Frustrating

I just have one thing to say today because I have a problem that never ends around here... I've got so much laundry backed up the wazoo that I may become eternally constipated!! I know, that is so wrong and yep, fairly crude, but so very true and completely frustrating.

Challenges

This past year and a half has been full of unexpected challenges. The latest and greatest is my oldest daughters diagnosis with scoliosis. She was screened at school and told she had a 7 degree curve so we got a letter in the mail and I took it and her to the doctor. That led to an x-ray where I was told the curvature was more like 17 degrees. That meant an appointment with a back surgeon. The spine doctor re-evaluated the x-rays and said the curvature was 21 degrees and that she needed a back brace so that she could avoid it worsening to the point where she needs surgery to put rods in her back. So... this meant we went over to the specialized bracing clinic where my daughter got her first look at the "brace" aka torture device and it was all tears and drama after that. They make a cast of your body and the brace is a hard plastic tortoise shell looking bustier thing that needs to be worn as close to 24 hours a day as possible. Now the tears were really flowing from that 13 year old of mine, despite my attempt to make the whole thing seem like no big deal and joke about how we should get it in titanium and she could be like wonder woman and deflect bullets. Not funny Mom. Oh and did I mention that our insurance deductible is $1000.00 and the dang thing would cost $1060.00 so it would basically be all our expense? Ya... that sucks.

Putting myself in her place I can see where this is whole brace thing is worse than the diagnosis itself. Her comments (thru her tears were): so if someone comes up to me and hugs me they will feel that hard thing and be like what are u wearing under that shirt? The boys are gonna feel that at dances!! What about in gym class, sleep overs, or when its 110 degrees outside... they can't expect me to wear it then! If I sit down in my desk at school it is gonna clank against the back rest! On and on and on... so sad. I couldn't take this away or make it better. I couldn't tell her it wasn't going to get worse. I couldn't help but worry that it was going to get to the point of surgery. We discovered that there is a night brace that she only sleeps in but if I can avoid the pain, cost, and problem of a brace I'm all for it.

Then I got this idea... I wonder if a chiropractor can work on her back and realign it over and over again, retrain the muscles and tendons that are pulling her spine all screwy and make it at least NOT get worse. Funny thing, her best friends dad is a chiropractor and he deals with scoliosis all the time! So we have taken that route and will check back with the spine doctor in a couple months to make sure that it is not worsening. I am very very hopeful and very grateful for another option.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuummmbbbbaaaa

Running is killing my knees lately so I've backed way off. I can feel my knees swelling, it swells in back of my knees which is the same reoccurring old injury I fight every time I overdo it (I fell once on the mountain and have never been the same since then as a runner). This even happens after I run even short distances so so much for that until I recover properly and it will take time, lots of it, I've been here before. Once a doctor told me I wasn't built for running and he should have known better. Anytime someone says I can't I have a mission to prove them wrong and kept doing it and got pretty good too until the injury. I am only temporarily out of service but love it too much to not do it again once I'm bounced back.

In the mean time on to my other new favorite form of cardio... zumba! My neighbor introduced me to it and I fell in love with it right away. It reminds me so much of my dance team days, so much fun! I am learning to shake it again, it's been so long. If I can't memorize the choreography for the routines to the zumba songs it drives me insane. I wish I had more time to obsess over it and get better! Determined Cinda still lives, I spend more time trying to remember steps than I do with the laundry these days. Sometimes I do them both at the same time. My kids love it when I dance all over the house (not) especially when friends are over. I just really want to give them a healthy dose of trauma, embarrass them when I can, as they watch my groove thing doing its jello wiggle impression. Yep, I'm a giver...

Recitals.... recitals

MAYZILLA is in full force at the moment but the gloriously promising brightly beaming light at the end of the tunnel is finally in view. This means we have almost ended the school year and maneuvered our way through the following...
*Band Concert for 8th grade Marching Band
*Piano Recital for my oldest 2 daughters
*Theater Tech responsibilities
*Dance Recital (3 nights worth -- ouch) see above pictures
*Choir concert for child #3
*Testing- end of levels at school= cranky, stressed kids
*Opening & heating of the Pool in our backyard
*More doctor appointments that u can imagine for all of our many issues, all of which we are grateful for because none of them are life threatening. As hard as our issues are we know it could definitely be worse.

STILL TO COME:
*The last day of school
*Honors program
*Son to find, and begin, his first job (asap kiddo)w/Moms help.
*Our annual BIG garage sale pain in the butt on Saturday.
*Planning our upcoming trips
*Youth conference
*Scout hikes
*Especially for Youth Program (6 days away & 3 1/2 hrs from Mom!)for my oldest daughter
*Yearly trip to see family in MI---- BIG drive for us
*Trip to CA for a baptism coupled with Disneyland
*Summer school, summer programs, entertaining, HOT temps... EXHAUSTED already!

A Moment

Just caught my 4 year old looking at herself in the bathroom mirror and singing "all the single ladies" while doing the dance (very accurately I might add). Very funny. Technically, she is a single (little) lady! Love it!

Race Results

Did it. Painful. Tough Run. Gold! First place in my division by 6 minutes! Yeah! I'm feeling it today in my knees. Will take it easy this week, cross train more. Ouch!

7th overall female...
16th finisher, and only one person older than me in top 16.

The Hell Hole

The above title is the name of the next race that I am running on Saturday. It's another 5K, I am hooked all of a sudden on the competition. I don't know why I picked this one, the title didn't scare me off but instead intrigued me. I think that must be because of all the parallels in my life with the words "Hell Hole". Apparently it is named because it's a tough course, mostly uphill, and being that I am slightly insane, something inside me screamed BRING IT ON! I train on hills, I know the pain of them intimately, it's gonna be extremely painful but I have no doubt I can do it without walking it. The goal here is to finish with a decent time, not to burn out in the first 2 miles, and kick the hell holes flaming hot fanny.

The parallels to my life are as follows...
1- I believe, on occasion, that I live in purgatory itself (yes, hell), because this place can get so hot in the certain months of the year that blacktop surfaces melt my flip flops... they become squishy marshmallows under my feet. No smore's in hell tho to make that connection with.
2- My life is as crazy, chaotic, difficult, and frustrating as being in that 'place'. Blessed beyond comprehension and NOT complaining, but if on a normal day you were to see the state of my house, my car, or my un-showered overworked self u may agree with me!
3- Racing is so hard, it hurts. It is legs of fire that want to stop and u have to keep telling them it will be worth it, push it a little further.... you're half way, you're almost there, you see the finish line, give it all u've got no matter what. Think I'm gonna pass out? (Every race I've ever done) Concentrate on breathing. It not only helps that feeling of hyperventilation, asthma, lightheadedness, but keeps my brain occupied and time passes more quickly. I have to tell myself to 'just breathe' all the time in life and oxygen is a close personal friend. To keep a fire burning oxygen is an essential.
4- At this race, u are encouraged to dress up as an angel, a devil, a reverend, the pope, whatever. I think I run with angels and devils every day in life, costumes aside.
5- I want to make it thru the hell hole and win something. Yes, it will be a tremendous sense of accomplishment to finish but a medal again, or a trophy... that will inspire me to beat the "hell" out of the pavement, my running shoes, my overly protruding hips, in the future. If I can endure hell on this run, I will be all the better for having done so. When I overcome the hell hole, I am climbing to new heights, rising above the difficult, THAT is inspiring. Proof that I can change and get myself out of that place physically.... mentally... spiritually... in any possible way really where I need a tweaking. Very symbolic and I hope, very very worth it.

Wings

Last night I was chatting with an old, dear friend who was down because of some problems. Things like that really bother me, I am the fixer, the helper, the one who can't leave something like that alone... at least let me make them crack up over something completely stupid that I say and get a laugh so I know there was a smile amongst the misery. Anyway... didn't get a chance to do that last night and it bothered me. My heart goes out to them on so many levels and I truly love and am concerned about each of my friends and loved ones. So this morning I was thinking about them again and how I could help. Sometimes a good poem or a quote from a wise author or scholar is helpful so I began my quest. I searched all morning for just the right thing.... nothing fit. Nothing seemed to ring true enough for my friends situation so I gave up and did my cleaning. Somewhere amongst the dirty laundry it hit me, what I should tell them...

"Sometimes we must open our wings, close our eyes, and trust God in our faith, to be the wind that carries us for a time... just until we are strong again and can look down from where He has taken us with a new perspective. That is the point when we truly see the beauty of our friends and loved ones in all their brilliant colors, strategically placed in our lives just when He knew they would be needed most."

Anonymous... because I could never sign my name to words that were not mine, but given to me yet created by a far greater source. I believe these words did what they were meant to do, in a way that was far above my understanding. I love when that happens! So rare for me... so dang cool!

5K

I signed up for a race. Haven't done one in a long time. Since 2007 I believe. So, I'm nervous.Not nervous about doing it alone, that is usually the case. No one will run with me these days, not even my dear husband. Either that means I'm too good or that I'm just too competitive. Not sure which but it's such a bummer and honestly, the truth is I KNOW I am not too good so (head hung low in shame) I must be wickedly competitive. I need to feel that once in a while though... thus, the race.
I'm nervous about my knees holding out til Saturday and beating my last time. The last time I ran this race I won for my division... pressure! Of course that was before child #4 was born and I was super fit and 7 lbs lighter. This year the course has been changed and it's on dirt so how I will beat my time will be the question and the challenge. Wish me luck! We shall see!!!

Results are in... whew. THAT WAS COLD!!! Froze but did it. Got 2nd in my division- SILVER MEDAL. The girl who beat me was my friend though and a marathoner (curse her from stealing my chances) so I was happy for her and that I did my best. Now the problem becomes Cinda wants to do more and is addicted to racing. There are worse problems I guess! :)

Live

I want to live my life today like this;

"Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh crap, she's up!"

Dare

Love this. I heard it on a Brittish tv show that I'm hooked on last night and I had never heard it before. It is part of an old Christian song I guess but just love this chorus...

Dare to be a Daniel
Dare to stand alone
Dare to have a purpose firm
Dare to make it known.

The actual song can be found here.

Angel

My daughter Chloe is unique. I honestly think she is an angel and it will truly take a miracle for me to raise her right. She is a challenge, a blessing, and a roller coaster ride all in one. She is without a doubt the most sensitive of my 3 girls in every way that one can be sensitive. She won't kill bugs she finds in the house, she catches them and releases them outdoors because killing makes her feel bad. (So of course her brother makes sure to smash any bug possible right in front of her and announce it so she has a meltdown.) Siblings....

The other day this child was playing outside and it was a warm day so I was glad she was out getting some fresh air. Apparently while she was out there, completely on here own and not to our knowledge, she wrote the elderly man next door a note, folded it up, and placed it in his mailbox. We had no idea she had done this. Until that sweet little man walked over with tears in his eyes and told my husband about the letter he had received the day before from our daughter, the sweetest note he had ever been given. He wrote her back and gave his note to my husband for her when she returned home from school.

When she got home I asked "Chloe, did you write a nice letter to the neighbors?

Chloe: "Yes Mom, because they are good neighbors and I think they must be lonely."

(Keep in mind these neighbors tell us every year to let our kids know that they will not pass out Halloween candy so don't bother knocking! Kinda funny).

Me: "Do you know how much they loved that. The man brought you back a note and told us with tears in his eyes how much that touched his heart."

Chloe: "Well, I just thought they'd like a letter Mom, no big deal."

No Chloe, big big deal. She doesn't know how thrown away elderly people can feel or how society is moving so fast that it doesn't have time for them as the slow movers. She just does things like this. Oh, and yesterday, she decided to go over and knock on their door for a bandaid. I had to have the "maybe not every day" talk with her. She is a sweet one.