This whole year has flown by! I can't believe it's almost September and so many things have happened. My life has become so complicated. There are so many blessings and quite a few challenges to keep things balanced I suppose. The challenge at the moment is that my elderly inlaws are struggling. They are 90 years old and my father in law has been diagnosed with dementia years back and last week my mother in law had a personality change and was diagnosed with senile dementia with manic disorder. She is falling about every other month just to recover and fall again. The nurse came and spoke to us and suggested a care center. Its so sad. I don't know how u do this. How do u bring that up with them without making them feel like u don't want to be bothered with them, that they aren't loved anymore or useful anymore. It's breaking my heart. I need to read about it and discuss it with professionals I guess. They aren't my birth parents but I love them like my own and I want to do this in a respectful, careful way. I would love to have them move in with us and care for them if there weren't incontinence issues, constant arguing and meanness, and mass chaos when they are around. Somehow I need to raise my 4 kids and they are full time job as it is, and so would be taking them on. They can no longer care for the house they live in. Sad. I am learning way way too much about being 90 and it is losing its appeal to me strangely. Wonder why that is. I just pray that I can make the Lord pleased with our behavior and efforts and that he will sustain us and them as we try to come up with the best solutions.

I have to also get it off my chest some of the other issues that are weighing on me... Lets start kid by kid-
Christian, 16. Is driving, dating, junior in high school, does lighting for the school play which keeps him busy. Has ADD and needs lots of help keeping on task and staying organized.
Corynn,14. My MOST high maintenance child. She has scoliosis and is being treated at a chiropractor. She has constant sinus infections for which the doctors have no explaination. She has stomach issues. She has allergies and is getting shots for that once a week. She needs to be monitored on her cell phone, computer, and piano lessons.
Chloe, 9. She is the one I struggle with most with behavior. She struggles so hard with anxiety, has ADD, is behind in school and needs tutoring. She is completely disorganized and SUPER sensitive. She has lots of quirks but is the most talented little artist I know. She is very kind but needs a lot of encouragement and guidance.
Sadie,4. In preschool. I have to remember to make time for her, the poor girl. She is learning to write her name, letters, and ride her bike. She is an amazing even tempered child for who I am SO grateful.
On top of that...
All blessings, trying to not see anymore challenges until they rear their ugly head and demand to be dealt with. One day at a time. One prayer at a time. One breath at a time. Life is good!

Disneyland O Rama

These pictures are in reverse order but Disneyland actually came after our trip to Santa Monica. The funniest part of Disney for me was the fact that my youngest kids could care less about the rides and just wanted pictures with the characters. Trust me, the lines were just as bad to see them as they were to get on rides. Exhausting but great fun!

Comfort zone

Lesson: Growth occurs outside ones comfort zone, as long as feet step carefully and courageously into the possibilities and opportunities that surround them.

Note: It is easy to stay in ones comfort zone where things are easy and normal and it is a great place to retreat to once in a while. Sometimes we need that "zone" to regroup and recover after stretching" oneself. Sometimes we don't have a choice in our growth or when we are stretched however, see below...

One church leader said it like this, and I appreciate that we can become better from tough situations that are not voluntary:

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Proverbs 3:11-12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain."

So... we just need to HANG on tight.

(BTW- that's me in the tree picture at about age 9, totally tomboy).

Never in a million years

Zumba has brought me to purchasing this... a jingly belly dance thingy which I never in a million years would have EVER imagined on my body. It is completely optional mind you, but I can't be the only instructor without it. And yes, ladies and gentlemen... I am so gonna rock this thing!

Frustrating

I just have one thing to say today because I have a problem that never ends around here... I've got so much laundry backed up the wazoo that I may become eternally constipated!! I know, that is so wrong and yep, fairly crude, but so very true and completely frustrating.

Challenges

This past year and a half has been full of unexpected challenges. The latest and greatest is my oldest daughters diagnosis with scoliosis. She was screened at school and told she had a 7 degree curve so we got a letter in the mail and I took it and her to the doctor. That led to an x-ray where I was told the curvature was more like 17 degrees. That meant an appointment with a back surgeon. The spine doctor re-evaluated the x-rays and said the curvature was 21 degrees and that she needed a back brace so that she could avoid it worsening to the point where she needs surgery to put rods in her back. So... this meant we went over to the specialized bracing clinic where my daughter got her first look at the "brace" aka torture device and it was all tears and drama after that. They make a cast of your body and the brace is a hard plastic tortoise shell looking bustier thing that needs to be worn as close to 24 hours a day as possible. Now the tears were really flowing from that 13 year old of mine, despite my attempt to make the whole thing seem like no big deal and joke about how we should get it in titanium and she could be like wonder woman and deflect bullets. Not funny Mom. Oh and did I mention that our insurance deductible is $1000.00 and the dang thing would cost $1060.00 so it would basically be all our expense? Ya... that sucks.

Putting myself in her place I can see where this is whole brace thing is worse than the diagnosis itself. Her comments (thru her tears were): so if someone comes up to me and hugs me they will feel that hard thing and be like what are u wearing under that shirt? The boys are gonna feel that at dances!! What about in gym class, sleep overs, or when its 110 degrees outside... they can't expect me to wear it then! If I sit down in my desk at school it is gonna clank against the back rest! On and on and on... so sad. I couldn't take this away or make it better. I couldn't tell her it wasn't going to get worse. I couldn't help but worry that it was going to get to the point of surgery. We discovered that there is a night brace that she only sleeps in but if I can avoid the pain, cost, and problem of a brace I'm all for it.

Then I got this idea... I wonder if a chiropractor can work on her back and realign it over and over again, retrain the muscles and tendons that are pulling her spine all screwy and make it at least NOT get worse. Funny thing, her best friends dad is a chiropractor and he deals with scoliosis all the time! So we have taken that route and will check back with the spine doctor in a couple months to make sure that it is not worsening. I am very very hopeful and very grateful for another option.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuummmbbbbaaaa

Running is killing my knees lately so I've backed way off. I can feel my knees swelling, it swells in back of my knees which is the same reoccurring old injury I fight every time I overdo it (I fell once on the mountain and have never been the same since then as a runner). This even happens after I run even short distances so so much for that until I recover properly and it will take time, lots of it, I've been here before. Once a doctor told me I wasn't built for running and he should have known better. Anytime someone says I can't I have a mission to prove them wrong and kept doing it and got pretty good too until the injury. I am only temporarily out of service but love it too much to not do it again once I'm bounced back.

In the mean time on to my other new favorite form of cardio... zumba! My neighbor introduced me to it and I fell in love with it right away. It reminds me so much of my dance team days, so much fun! I am learning to shake it again, it's been so long. If I can't memorize the choreography for the routines to the zumba songs it drives me insane. I wish I had more time to obsess over it and get better! Determined Cinda still lives, I spend more time trying to remember steps than I do with the laundry these days. Sometimes I do them both at the same time. My kids love it when I dance all over the house (not) especially when friends are over. I just really want to give them a healthy dose of trauma, embarrass them when I can, as they watch my groove thing doing its jello wiggle impression. Yep, I'm a giver...

Recitals.... recitals

MAYZILLA is in full force at the moment but the gloriously promising brightly beaming light at the end of the tunnel is finally in view. This means we have almost ended the school year and maneuvered our way through the following...
*Band Concert for 8th grade Marching Band
*Piano Recital for my oldest 2 daughters
*Theater Tech responsibilities
*Dance Recital (3 nights worth -- ouch) see above pictures
*Choir concert for child #3
*Testing- end of levels at school= cranky, stressed kids
*Opening & heating of the Pool in our backyard
*More doctor appointments that u can imagine for all of our many issues, all of which we are grateful for because none of them are life threatening. As hard as our issues are we know it could definitely be worse.

STILL TO COME:
*The last day of school
*Honors program
*Son to find, and begin, his first job (asap kiddo)w/Moms help.
*Our annual BIG garage sale pain in the butt on Saturday.
*Planning our upcoming trips
*Youth conference
*Scout hikes
*Especially for Youth Program (6 days away & 3 1/2 hrs from Mom!)for my oldest daughter
*Yearly trip to see family in MI---- BIG drive for us
*Trip to CA for a baptism coupled with Disneyland
*Summer school, summer programs, entertaining, HOT temps... EXHAUSTED already!

A Moment

Just caught my 4 year old looking at herself in the bathroom mirror and singing "all the single ladies" while doing the dance (very accurately I might add). Very funny. Technically, she is a single (little) lady! Love it!

Race Results

Did it. Painful. Tough Run. Gold! First place in my division by 6 minutes! Yeah! I'm feeling it today in my knees. Will take it easy this week, cross train more. Ouch!

7th overall female...
16th finisher, and only one person older than me in top 16.

The Hell Hole

The above title is the name of the next race that I am running on Saturday. It's another 5K, I am hooked all of a sudden on the competition. I don't know why I picked this one, the title didn't scare me off but instead intrigued me. I think that must be because of all the parallels in my life with the words "Hell Hole". Apparently it is named because it's a tough course, mostly uphill, and being that I am slightly insane, something inside me screamed BRING IT ON! I train on hills, I know the pain of them intimately, it's gonna be extremely painful but I have no doubt I can do it without walking it. The goal here is to finish with a decent time, not to burn out in the first 2 miles, and kick the hell holes flaming hot fanny.

The parallels to my life are as follows...
1- I believe, on occasion, that I live in purgatory itself (yes, hell), because this place can get so hot in the certain months of the year that blacktop surfaces melt my flip flops... they become squishy marshmallows under my feet. No smore's in hell tho to make that connection with.
2- My life is as crazy, chaotic, difficult, and frustrating as being in that 'place'. Blessed beyond comprehension and NOT complaining, but if on a normal day you were to see the state of my house, my car, or my un-showered overworked self u may agree with me!
3- Racing is so hard, it hurts. It is legs of fire that want to stop and u have to keep telling them it will be worth it, push it a little further.... you're half way, you're almost there, you see the finish line, give it all u've got no matter what. Think I'm gonna pass out? (Every race I've ever done) Concentrate on breathing. It not only helps that feeling of hyperventilation, asthma, lightheadedness, but keeps my brain occupied and time passes more quickly. I have to tell myself to 'just breathe' all the time in life and oxygen is a close personal friend. To keep a fire burning oxygen is an essential.
4- At this race, u are encouraged to dress up as an angel, a devil, a reverend, the pope, whatever. I think I run with angels and devils every day in life, costumes aside.
5- I want to make it thru the hell hole and win something. Yes, it will be a tremendous sense of accomplishment to finish but a medal again, or a trophy... that will inspire me to beat the "hell" out of the pavement, my running shoes, my overly protruding hips, in the future. If I can endure hell on this run, I will be all the better for having done so. When I overcome the hell hole, I am climbing to new heights, rising above the difficult, THAT is inspiring. Proof that I can change and get myself out of that place physically.... mentally... spiritually... in any possible way really where I need a tweaking. Very symbolic and I hope, very very worth it.