Doubt

“O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?”

The other day I was talking to a woman who teaches my sons sunday school class and she opened my eyes. I know my son as a goofy, silly kid who runs around the house amusing himself by teasing his sisters. To her he is more. She told me how much she has enjoyed getting to know him. He is courteous and asks great questions. A couple times he has even stayed after class to discuss things with her and she has been impressed at what a good kid he is. She said I must be doing something right. No, I'm far too imperfect. It's not me- it is HIS faith that makes him who he is. He does not murmur when he is asked to do things. He often does them with clenched jaw, I know very well he wants to say he doesn't want to do our dirty work, but he does it. I tend to see the imperfections in my kids but today I am going to put my faith in him and look at him not as my boy, but as a young man. A warrior. I should not doubt in him or what he is becoming.

At his Eagle scout board of review, they interview him for a long time about what he did for his project and then had us come in to the room. The person who asked the questions told us that what he said to her was completely insignificant. It was his ability to look her in the eye as he answered questions without a single break in eye contact that made them know what kind of boy he was. It proved his honesty and showed he was a boy of great potential. My first thought was "Wow, how'd he know to do that?" See! I am a doubter! Darn it, I need to do better.

My teen daughter just got back from a girls camp called "Camp Courage". She proved to herself that she could do more than I ever could. She stood backward at the edge of a mountain cliff and repelled almost 100 feet down. The pictures are truly terrifying. She zip lined down a cliff later in the week. She stood in front of a group of girls and told them she believed in living the gospel of Jesus Christ. In each of these things she showed great courage. And yet, I often doubt in her also. She DOES murmur a lot, unlike her brother. It's great to know that she has enough faith to get through the hard things when mom is not around. I do not doubt that she is becoming refined and a woman of great faith.

My seven year old can hardly stand waiting until her eigth birthday to get baptised. In our church they do it at that age since they feel the children know right from wrong by then and are accountable for their choices. She is my most difficult, complex child. She is also my kindest, most angelic, inspirational child. Since first grade she has sat by a little girl with learning disabilities and has help this child get through the school years miles ahead of what they expected possible. Chloe helps her, she encourages her. She has a very hard time learning herself and is quite a bit behind but she learns so that she can teach her friend and explain it to her. I should not doubt that she is truly better in her heart than I am. She has marvelous potential and such an ability to love.

Then there is my youngest. She is 3 going on 10. She is enthusiastic, ready to go at pretty much anything, and so brave. She wanted to be pulled behind a boat this summer by herself to go tubing like her sister but absolutely BY HERSELF. I thought she'd be scared to death to even try. Yes, again I doubted. She has no problem getting up in front of people which I HATE doing. She is on her way to building great faith in herself. I do not doubt she has more faith than a mustard seed already.

It's good for me to take a step back and look at my babies as people. I love to see what they are becoming. How grateful I am to know that they are who they are because of faith. Why should I ever doubt to exercise such faith in my own life in scaling the cliffs and bumps that life throws at me. I should never doubt the miracles that faith produces in my tiny, insignificant life each and every day.

I think of the story in Matthew where the disciple sees Christ walking on water and tries to do it also but starts to sink. That is where Jesus speaks the words...“O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” I wonder if I was put to that same test of faith if I would sink into the depths or stand tall. If my behavior in every day life is any indication of the answer to this, I believe I may need to take a few lessons from my own children.