Monday, April 6, 2009

Looking Back

As I was sending my daughter out the door to school today I had a thought. It was a small thought. Remember, I have warned you that I seem to be full of these lately... good ol' motherhood/parenthood does this to us. It makes us weird. We become reflective. We rant. We brag. We compare physical things to emotional or spiritual things. We bring deep symbolism to everyday experiences. Just weird mind warping parenthood mixed with occasional paranoia.

Or maybe it's just me.

I'm unusual?

First know that I make that second grade girl cross the street right in front of our house to head to the bus stop. The bus stops way down the street, around the bend. She has to cross to get to where the kids wait, where I cannot see her cross. I make her cross where I can watch the event and know she is safe. I stand at our front door and wave to her and wait to see if she looks back. I never close the door until I know she isn't going to look back.

Lately, she hasn't looked back. Today, she didn't look back.

I believe she is now leaving this house with confidence and courage. She is heading out into the world to make her day begin with self assurance, which to this sensitive girl is a big deal. She struggles a little more than some. In her younger years she needed to look back and hear me shout something like "have a great day sweetheart" or "your gonna have so much fun today" and wave goodbye. Pep talk. No longer needed these days. She's o.k. with a hug at the door.

It kind of makes me sad, yet proud at the same time. She must head out to build her own attitudes and gain her very own experiences as we all do as we grow. (Isn't that why we're here on earth)? I'd like to have more control over what influences her but I need to have confidence in reverse that whatever she comes across will be dealt with and judged according to the remarkable good sense mom and dad have drilled into her noggin. Sounds like somethings our Father in Heaven gave us called agency and discernment, huh? I'm just glad at the end of the day I get to hear about all the exciting details.

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